Q. Tell me a little about yourself.

I am a transplanted Californian. I grew up on the East Coast (in a suburb of New York, a.k.a. New Jersey), and I went to college outside of Philadelphia.  After graduating, I went to Washington DC and dove into a career in advertising. I worked up to a senior management position with J. Walter Thompson, who moved me to Atlanta. I have only been in Atlanta a few days when I got on a flight to San Francisco and sat next to Nick Lenhart. He was a widower with a six-year-old son living outside of San Francisco. Many months of long distance courtship followed, and then I moved to San Francisco where Nick and I were married.

I have worked as a writer and a consultant in marketing and training for the past 12 years, working for companies ranging from Schwab to Sega to Sebastiani Wines. 

Q. How would you describe Planet Widow?

Planet Widow is the story of how I survived the death of my husband. One Saturday morning, my husband went out for a short jog, suffered a sudden fatal heart attack. He was 44. I was left with two children, a house, a mortgage and lots of questions about the future. In a single day, my life changed so dramatically it was as if I had been transported to another planet: Planet Widow. It is a story that can provide support and guidance to anyone who has had to cope with the loss of a spouse, a parent, a colleague or a friend. The book describes how I dealt with my own grief while learning through trial and error how to help my two sons — one a teenager, the other only six years old. It discusses my struggle to adopt my sixteen-year-old son, my husband’s child by his first marriage, whom I had raised. It follows my search for comfort, for closure, and for proof of my husband’s love — with some surprising discoveries along the way.

Q. How did you come to write Planet Widow?  

I make my living writing. Usually I write corporate newsletters, training programs, letters to bank customers describing account changes and other things that nobody really reads. It’s been a lifelong goal of mine to write a novel.

Shortly after my 40^th birthday, I decided to get serious about writing my novel. Sine I am an avid reader of mysteries, I began to write a mystery novel.  After finishing a few chapters I signed up for a mystery writing conference at Book Passage in Corte Madera. There, I met several local writers there and subsequently joined a writing group.

In February 1998, my husband died of a sudden heart attack and my world changed. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t breathe. I tried to continue work on my novel, but I couldn’t care less about “who done it:” I was more interested in how the survivors were doing. I started writing about what was happening to me, how I was feeling, how my world had changed. I look pieces to my writing group, as a way to share my experiences and begin to understand them. To my surprise, I got great feedback from the group.  They didn’t find the pieces depressing or self-serving. They were interested in my experiences and wanted to know more. I kept writing. 

Over the course of three years, I had written about 60,000 words which I organized into a book. I gave the book to a long-time friend, to my older son and to my two sisters. They were less than enthused. I put the book away. 

Q. How did Planet Widow come to be published?

It was a long journey, but in the end, a publisher found me.

After I completed the first draft of Planet Widow, I put it away. I had reached the goal of writing a book. I learned a lot about writing and about myself.  That was enough.

Then, on the morning of September 11, 2001, I watched the Twin Towers come down. I didn’t think about the people that died that day, I thought about the survivors:  all the woman who were starting their journey into widowhood that day. I wanted to share what I knew about death and grief and survival. I dug out the book and sent it to a dozen literary agents. I got back 11 rejection letters and one enthusiastic phone call from a San Francisco-based agent. She was excited about the book, but suggested some rewrites. The agent cautioned that publishers were wary of memoirs and it would be a tough sell. I was busy with work, with kids, with life. To rewrite the book, I would have to delve back into painful experiences and relive what had been the worst part of my life. I decided to let Planet Widow lie. 

I began work on a new novel, but my writing group wouldn’t let me give up on Planet Widow. I ignored their rewrite suggestions, their advice to reconnect with the interested agent, to talk to other agents. Another three years passed, and my writing group friend Linda Peterson published her first mystery novel, Edited to Death. At a books signing, she met a Seal Press editor and somehow the conversation turned to my book. Seal was interested. I dug out Planet Widow and reread the first section and decided that it needed rewriting. I didn’t return the call to Seal editor.

Then, one Saturday, a received a call from a friend. She had found her husband lying on the bedroom floor. He was now in intensive care. He was not expected to make it. I went to the hospital and sat with her and her family. Three days later, he died. I helped them answer the phone, relived their memories and helped plan the funeral.  It struck me that I knew a lot about dying and that I was in a unique position to help them through this awful time. They asked me what happened when my husband died and I told them my Planet Widow stories. I think it helped. I finally called the Seal Press editor, introduced myself and sent her the Planet Widow manuscript.     

Q. Who are the readers for Planet Widow?

I hope this book will have broad appeal across a wide range of women. 

Although the book will be useful to young widows, I know that they probably will not be in the frame of mind to read it. The family and friends of young widows, will find it insightful to help them understand what the widow is going through and hopefully know better how to help them. Planet Widow is also a cautionary tale for anyone in a marriage or other relationship.  By gaining an understanding of what happens when your partner dies — something everyone, at every age, is vulnerable to — Planet Widow can help them understand what they can do now to prepare for the day that no one wants to face.

Q. What are some of the points you hope readers will take away from Planet Widow?

• Thousands of young woman become widows every year. They share many common experiences and feelings that no one ever seems talks about.
• There are aspects to grief that are not covered in psychological textbooks. Even highly competent woman will need support in dealing with the physical and emotional impact of losing a partner.
• When your spouse dies, your whole life changes. Everyday life suddenly becomes overwhelming, and at the same time you are faced with making major decisions. 
• Children grieve in a different way than adults and children of different ages grieve differently. The death of a parent can trigger behaviors that seem unusual, but are actually fairly predictable. There are ways to help a child work through their grief.
• There are things you can do now that will help you if you do become widowed unexpectedly. Beyond just making a will, or taking out life insurance, it is important to have frank discussions with your spouse about their wishes, contingency plans, stepchildren, financial issues and more.

To share your thoughts or request an interview with the author, email contact@planetwidow.com.

© 2006 Gloria Lenhart. All rights reserved. Illustration: Domini Dragoone.